Children always expect love and care from their parents but what if their parents are toxic. How would you feel if I told you that in 2008, The Administration Of Children and Family in the US Department of Health and Services reported that more than fifty-five thousand (55000) children were officially counted as victims of emotional abuse.
Whether hurtful words are intended to cause pain or not, they can leave marks and memories from a short time to a lifetime in a child’s heart. Hurtful remarks can come from loved ones such as parents and emotional damage can be detrimental to a lot of people, especially children.
The way parents raise their children and behave around them, sets up a basic round which builds their personality and self-esteem. So, how do you know if a parent or a caretaker is toxic?
Here are 8 things parents say that can affect a child’s life.
1. Offensive words on their appearance.
“You’re ugly.”
“You’re too fat.”
“You’re too short.”
“You’re too skinny.”
Degrading a child based on their appearances will likely to increase their physical insecurities. It will make them worry about their body image. This could lead to serious emotional issues such as eating disorders. Parents are supposed to teach their children how to love themselves no matter how they look on the outside.
2. Provocative questions towards actions.
“Why do you walk that way?”
“Why do you chew that way?”
“Why do you talk like this?”
“Why do you suddenly act so weird?”
Children tend to believe anything their parents say. So, sarcastic remarks or questions like these may make the children feel like there is something wrong with them. This makes it very hard for the child to be themselves around people, even during their adulthood. They might become trapped by the discomfort and fear that others may laugh at them or notice the flaws that their toxic parents made up for them.
3. Selfish Wishes.
“I wish you were never born.”
“I regret having you.”
“I wish you were a different child.”
“I wish I had an abortion.”
In anger, tense, or in difficult times, toxic parents may say these things to their child. Parents should never say something like this. It will make them feel like they were not supposed to exist in the first place, that they do not deserve to be alive. These remarks are harmful to children, to humans in general. They diminish their whole sense of identity which can lead to self-harm and early depression. Instead, parents should make them feel loved or valued.
4. Making Child Feel Like a Burden.
“You cost me too much money.”
“It is so hard to take care of you.”
“Having you exhausts me.”
If a parent says this to their child, the child will feel like a burden for them. It will cause them to unconsciously hide their needs, feelings, and problems just to avoid the wrath of a parent. Considering that Nemours, a non-profit children’s health system, reported that lack of love and affection or materialistic things are some of the causes for some children to lean on stealing and being abusive.
5. Unhealthy Comparisons.
“Why aren’t you like your sibling?”
“The other kid in class had better grades than you.”
“The other kids are better than you.”
“He got selected in the sports team, why couldn’t you?”
This will reduce a child’s self-esteem and make them think that they will never be good enough, no matter how hard they try or put their effort in.
Also, comparing to siblings to one and another only promotes unhealthy relationships between them. This will cause them to feel jealousy and resentment towards one another. Siblings should be given the right to build their own independent identities.
6. Verbally Abusive Words or Statements.
“You’re stupid.”
“You’re useless.”
“You’re a loser.”
“You’ll never make it.”
Absolute remarks like this will damage the child’s self-esteem. It’s important that parents encourage their children to believe themselves.
7. Threatening abandonment
“I’ll leave you.”
“I’ll put you aside.”
“You’ll wake up and never find me.”
“I’ll just disappear.”
This will cause the child to have abandonment issues. Faring that the people they love will leave them because of who they are. When a child grows up this belief will be unconsciously ingrained in their mind. They will be unable to trust future relationships for fear of them leaving.
8. Empty Promises.
“If you’ll do this, I’ll buy you that.”
“I’ll take you there next time.”
The parents then they don’t do it, they don’t fulfill their once given words. When parents make promises that they don’t keep, it breaks the child’s trust, it makes the child feel betrayed. Making fake promises is an excellent way to teach a child how not to trust others in life.
To conclude even though words aren’t physically harmful, they can be extremely harmful to the psyche and emotional well-being. Childhood is an essential chapter in every human’s life. Our childhood builds our personalities, behaviors, and beliefs.
